Heartfelt Desires

Nevertheless… I expect.

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***Deep sigh***

And suddenly, I forgot how to write. I just don’t know how to start. I told myself before not to post anything negative again. It’s hard to put something into words that’s basically, not what we truly feel. And I know why I’m finding it hard to put things into words, ’cause what my mind says are opposite to what I feel. I want to write only positive thoughts, and suppress negative feelings and emotions. It’s hard. I want, as much as I can, to be honest. I just can’t put things into words. Grrr… I’m being redundant.

I want to share a story of a beautiful blessing granted to me by God last week. What I’m REALLY GRATEFUL for to God are the inner values He taught me . When everyone around has given up, it was the Lord who gave me an optimistic behavior. He was like a fire burning in my heart telling me to believe and hold on to my expectations. My mindset before is not to expect at all, for me not to feel disappointments. I practiced that all my life, until 2 months ago. That thinking is vividly written in my mind. But as a human being, I unconsciously let myself expect for things not certain. Oftentimes, I ended up being hurt for expectations not met. Then I promised myself not to expect again, but as a human being, I can’t help it. I told others not to expect or I’m not expecting anything.  But deep inside, I am. And then one writing has gotten my attention. I forgot where I read that. Oh! It’s in Bo Sanchez’s blog. I forgot the exact words or phrases, but I remembered the message. He says, there’s nothing wrong with expecting. Because without expectations, we will not have anything to look forward to. I added another point. “I won’t give up on all my expectations. Nevertheless, I’ll accept the pain of disappointments that comes along with expecting”. They say, “Just hope but don’t expect”. But it’s hard to distinguish the difference between hoping and expecting. But hey! I got a permission from Bo Sanchez that it’s just alright to expect. But what helped lighten what I feel is the acceptance of future disappointments. At least, as early as now, I am ready to get hurt anytime. It’s not easy, but I know, with God’s love, everything will turn out right. I really love this verse, ” I can do all things through

Christ who strengthens me”.

Back to the blessing given to me last week. It was the power of belief that kept my spirit alive. It’s true, if you truly believe, you’ll make it happen. And it’s only God’s love that can satisfy all the longingness, emptiness that we feel inside. Everyday is a battle. We can win this battle if we have God in our hearts. I may be super happy yesterday, and I can be really sad afterwards. But I know, the greatest lesson is to never forget our God. To always go back to Him in times of uncertainty. Or just put Him all the time in our hearts.

Nevertheless, I EXPECT for great things to come my way with God by my side.

*** I didn’t expect my post to turn out to be this long and to end up talking about my gratitude to our God. But that’s what I feel. Thoughts came and words were written. Thank you Lord!

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