Going back. Looking back.

When I was young, it was only in my imagination to see a sunset. It was all over our art class. My teacher would made us draw and paint beautiful scenery and the example always given was a view of a rice farm, with a sun smiling behind the twin mountains, together with fluffy clouds, wild birds, lush green trees, clear flowing river, a simple hut and abundant grass. I remembered last Christmas when I went home to our province in Entablado, Cabiao, Nueva Ecija, the place I had spent 16 years of my life. I had a feeling of wanting to explore my hometown more. So I ride on my bike, alone, and brought my camera with me. There were lots of changes that I had noticed. The road was already cemented and there was already a health center in our barrio. Yehey! I was happy to see some developments in my simple barrio. When it comes to simplicity of the people’s lives, our barrio will be in the list. Some houses are made of nipa hut and I can still see farmers with their carabaos crossing the road. Some are going house to house to sell their freshly-picked vegetables. I had a stopover of my biking journey in front of the river. My attention was caught with the sunset occurring that time. I was amazed by the picturesque view. My eyes sparkled at the moment. I didn’t notice all these years that the picture of beautiful scenery in my imagination during my art class was almost similar to what was right in front of our house. I failed to appreciate these things when I was still living in the province. And now that I appreciated it, I will always look forward to the day that I can go home again and watch the sunrise and sunset right through my eyes. The beauty is unimaginable. I can now picture myself appreciating nature more than ever. So many memories of mine was relived. My childhood days. The most carefree days of my life.

*****

🙂

I don’t know. I’m just happy.

Last week, my officemate and I were laughing and talking of our favorite songs and she was teasing me of all, according to her, the “baduy” songs that I love to hear. Yes, I love OPM love songs, old or new, doesn’t matter, for as long as I felt its meaning. Then I said, “O sige na, lahat na ng “baduy” songs, themesong ko na”. And we both laughed. Then she said, “Wag ka mag alala, gusto ko din yung mga OPM songs like, yung sa The Company, Muntik na kitang minahal”. Then I told her I also like that song. I wondered, why it’s still not yet in my music player. That same day, at home, I downloaded the song. So, last weekend, aside from the worship songs that I’m trying to learn, I played it over and over. Even now, while writing this post. Haha! I must have been affected by the message of the song. Am I inlove? Haha! No… Not now. Secretly loving someone? Hmmm? Maybe yes, maybe no. Joke… I’m not!

Just recently, I was looking at “someone’s” picture, timing this song played, then I didn’t notice that I was staring at his photo for such a long time. There’s the feeling of adoration and admiration. Then a smile was painted at my face. 🙂 Enough of the fantasy and wake up in reality, I thought. It’s a nice feeling being inlove, or not really inlove, even infatuation or inspiration. Well, my status is neither of those. Liar! 🙂

Okay! I’m just happy with everything that’s been happening in my life. A major one is that I already reached this month, the production target I needed for my regularization at work. Glory to God! Indeed, patience is a virtue. Plus God. Little by little, things are starting to fall into the right places. One time, a brother in SFC told me, he’s not feeling alright. Then I asked him if he’s sick. He told me, no, it’s not about that, he feels sad and empty again.  I told him, “maybe you needed more time with God, you haven’t attended the CLP eversince you graduated”. It’s true when the speaker says that “Your real journey towards God starts after CLP”. After my graduation in CLP, I was not yet 100% alright spiritually, I was searching and yearning more of God. I was attending CLP every Sat., but I want more, and so why I am attending the Feast every Sunday even if I have no companion.

I’m wondering what changes happened inside of me so far. I should have asked the people I interact the most. But honestly, I’m joyful these past few months. I can now smile sincerely. Before,  I rarely smile, and if I smile, it’s like a broken smile, ’cause i was really sad and feeling empty before. I can’t find reasons to smile during those times. I can’t laugh hard. But now, seems like the other way around. I’m cheerful, inspired, joyous, optimistic, thankful and blessed. And I owe it all to God!

SMILE! 🙂 If we all, could just smile. Good night to everyone who’ll stumble at this post. 🙂

***By the way, here’s the lyrics of the song I just can’t get enough this past few days.

May sikreto akong sasabihin sa ‘yo
Mayroong nangyaring hindi mo alam
Ito’y isang lihim itinagong kay tagal
Muntik na kitang minahal
‘Di ko noon nakayang ipadama sa ‘yo
Ang nararamdaman ng pusong ito
At hanggang ngayon ay naaalala pa

Muntik na kitang minahal

REFRAIN:
Ngayon ay aaminin ko na
Na sana nga ay tayong dalawa
Bawat tanong mo’y iniwasan ko
Akala ang pag-ibig mo’y ‘di totoo
‘Di ko alam kung ano ang nangyari
Damdamin ko sa ‘yo’y hindi ko masabi
Hanggang ang puso mo’y mapagod
Sa paghihintay kay tagal
Saka ko lang naisip muntik na kitang minahal

‘Di ko noon nakayang ipadama sa ‘yo
Ang nararamdaman ng pusong ito
At hanggang ngayon ay naaalala pa
Muntik na kitang minahal

REFRAIN:
Ngayon ay aaminin ko na
Na sana nga’y tayong dalawa
Bawat tanong mo’y iniwasan ko
Akala ang pag-ibig mo’y ‘di totoo
‘Di ko alam kung ano ang nangyari
Damdamin ko sa ‘yo’y hindi ko nasabi
Hanggang ang puso mo’y mapagod
Sa paghihintay kay tagal
Saka ko lang naisip
Muntik na kitang minahal

Hanggang ang puso mo’y mapagod
Sa paghihintay kay tagal
Saka ko lang naisip
Muntik na kitang minahal

***I should sleep now. No more lates at work Bern. 🙂

Cebu trip: Day 2 and 3- Going South

On the second day of our Cebu trip, we went South. We’re supposed to do island hopping in Mactan Island on the second day but all of us thought that we’ll be able to explore Cebu more if we’ll go South. I was searching the web for other nice spots in Cebu, then I asked my friend if we could go and visit Kawasan Falls. And our Cebuano friend said that it was really nice in Kawasan, so at 7 am of June 4, we headed on South. We’re expecting more than 3 hours of travel from the city to Moalboal town. But it just took us two and a half hours. In everything that we do in life, it was really the journey that could strike us the most. And our 2 1/2 hours journey towards Moalboal was really a moment to cherish. I have come to love Cebu because of that. I’ve come to see the beauty of Cebu more. If the city is more of historical sites, buildings, hotels and churches, going South is more of nature. I do appreciate nature. And I enjoyed the sights of mountains, trees, grass, and most specially the white sand beaches with clear water. Cebu has everything a tourist could ask for. It has its city, historical spots, there are mountains, white sand beaches, beautiful falls. And the distance from one another is not that far. In just an hour or two, and maybe three, maximum of four, you’re already in a different place, in a different location, in a different horizon.


From left: Daffodil (Cebuano friend), Zai, CJ (Cebuano friend) and myself in front of the Kawasan falls

We spent overnight in a resort in Moalboal. Before sleeping, me and my friend had a long, nice talk. We placed a cloth in the sand, and lye there overlooking the stars and the ocean, if sitting. We talked about our lives, our work and our everyday experiences in the workplaces. It’s a kind of talk that we’re longing to have. I, myself, is wanting to express my thoughts about what’s going on in my life.

On our 3rd day, we woke up at 7 am to go back in the city to catch up for our flight back in Manila which is set to  be at 12.15pm. We arrived at NAIA at 1.30pm. Before separating ways, my friend and I dropped by in “Raku”, a Japanese restaurant on the 3rd floor of the airport, to eat, and we ordered their noodles. I love noodles kasi! Delicious! 🙂 The table in that restaurant has a funny but sensible statement. It says, “Share a table. Make a friend.”

I hope to go back in Cebu in the near future with the people I love. I want to tour them in the beautiful places that I was able see. Cebu is just a small province but I’ve come to love it. You will the see its beauty once you’ve been there. And one more thing, the people are nice. Cebuanos are nice. And the way they talk and speak Bisaya, they’re cute. I want to learn their language.  There are also other places to look forward to, such as the Bantayan Island in the  north and the Pagadian Island.

Hope to see more of you, Cebu, soon!!! 🙂

Cebu trip: Day 1- City tour

Weeks and days before the Cebu trip was really a struggle: struggle in asking permission to my mother and bosses at work that I’ll be going to Cebu for 3 days. (I would only be absent at work for a day because the two remaining days are Saturday and Sunday, no work.) I was waiting for the right time to ask permission to everyone. And yes, they allowed me to. I filed a one day leave from work. Me and one of my batchmate at work love to travel. We said before that we will travel and explore the places in the Philippines that we haven’t visited yet. And Cebu is one of those places. That’s why last March, we booked a flight to Cebu and the date we chose was June 3-5. Our airline was AirPhils. The cost of our 2 way ticket was Php3,142.00 inclusive of travel tax, terminal fee not yet included. The terminal fee is Php200 each for both NAIA and Mactan Airport. It was my first time to travel that far, I mean, to travel outside Luzon via airplane. That first airplane experience of mine is very memorable. I was nervous and anxious during the takeoff. Allow me to, it’s my first time ok! Our departure time in NAIA was 4:15am and we arrived in Mactan-Cebu International Airport at 5:10am.  Me and my friend was fetched in the airport by our Cebuano batchmate. That friend of ours volunteered to be our “tour guide”. From the airport, we first headed to Lapu Lapu Shrine. There was a huge monument of Lapu Lapu, the first Philippine hero.

Afterwards, we checked-in in our hotel “Fuente de Oro”. It was a newly built hotel, and the room rate is fairly reasonable. The cost of our hotel room is Php1,400, per night, bed for two, but with extra bed underneath. Since me and my friend were already in the airport as early as 12am of Friday, we had no sleep. We decided to sleep for 2 hours to make up for the lost sleep that night.

At 11am, we went to the IT Park. It’s like the little Ayala Ave., of Makati, in which there are buildings, call center offices, food parks and restaurants. We ate breakfast there. After eating, we went to Fort San Pedro. It’s the Cebu version of Intramuros in Manila. The place was full of historical memories dated on 1600s. Then we went to the historically famous Sto. Nino Church. We went inside and prayed. We were able to see the Sto. Nino from a distance. Afterwards, we proceeded to the part outside the church where you can light candles and ask for petitions. Magellan’s Cross was our next stop which was just a walking distance outside the church. There were many tourists taking pictures of the famous cross. This is what makes Cebu famous. When you hear Magellan’s Cross, people automatically say, Cebu!

At 1pm, we went to the Casa Verde restaurant for our lunch. We ordered their best seller, Brian’s ribs, it’s a steak, plus watermelon salad, calamares, and seafood carbonara. Delicious food but not that expensive.

After eating we went to Taboan, the place where you can buy baskets of Danggit, pusit and other dried fishes. I really like their pusit, it’s my favourite. After buying pasalubong, we went to Larsian barbeque house. We ate barbeque and “Puso”. Puso is the name of their rice, where rice is cooked inside the coconut leaf.

We were craving for a dessert and so we headed to La Marea. It’s a coffee shop. We ordered cappuccino, tea, and chose our dessert, I chose blueberry cake. It’s so delicious! Until now, I’m still craving for the blueberry cake in La Marea.

Then, we went to Marco Polo Hotel to fetch the areamate of my batchmate. We’re colleagues because we have the same work under one company. Marco Polo Hotel is really a nice hotel; we saw the lobby and waited in the pool area, it was very classy. It was lovely. Then we headed straight to the restaurant located on top of the mountain: Mr. A restaurant; the view is overlooking the whole Cebu City. It’s a beautiful restaurant. Like the restaurants we see in the Korean series overlooking the whole city with lots of light from the establishments. In there, we were able to see a nice view of Cebu, such as the famous hotels in the city: the Marco Polo Hotel, Imperial Place and Crown Regency Hotel. To all the adventure-seekers out there, there are exciting rides that you can try in Crown Regency Hotel. There is a Zipline, a Skywalk, and a Coaster Ride. We were supposed to try skywalk, but we ran out of time.

It was really a long day. We went back to our hotel tired but happy with what we’ve seen so far on our first day in Cebu. 🙂

I was hurt.

Something happened to me last Friday that added another impact in my life. It’s true that words can be so damaging. And heartbreaking. Hearing damaging words that time hurt me so much. I was controlling and preventing myself not to cry but the “words” said were really really really painful. My tears fell when I was riding the jeepney. I just can’t help it even if I was controlling my emotions. One passenger who was sitted beside was looking at me. I tried to act as if I have a cough and cold. If I could only prevent my tears from falling, I would. I wish the person who uttered those words know that he hurt me. At home before going to sleep, when I thought of what had happened, I burst into crying. I let myself release the hurt I was feeling that time.  I cried so hard.

In life, it’s really inevitable to meet people who’ll hurt you. But I know, I can overcome this. I wish I can forget this right away. I hope it won’t be deposited in the bank of memory that never forgets.

I am praying to God to help me forgive and and to take away the pain that person caused in my heart. I don’t wanna have grudges.

No more fears…

Two weeks ago, a friend told me to read a book written by the inspirational speaker and writer, Bo Sanchez. It’s about finding your one true love. Before I got involve in Singles for Christ, I have no idea of who Bo Sanchez is. I got curious with him because my SFC friends are always talking about him and the content of his books. And it caught my attention when one of my friends said that a woman has a responsibility in finding her one true love. So when I went to mall two Sundays ago, I dropped by the bookstore to buy Bo Sanchez’s book, “How to find your one true love Volume 1”. When I read some of the captions on its cover before buying, it drew excitement in me. So even if it’s quite expensive, I never had a thought of not buying it. After I bought it, I can’t get it out of my mind. I was so excited to read it. Actually, after purchasing it, I would like to read it right there and then. But I was carrying lots of things and I still need to go to the grocery. So I controlled my excitement until I came home. I arrived at 6pm, the first thing I did at home was to cook our dinner. After that, I brought down my laundry from the rooftop to hang it inside for it to dry ‘cause it’s rainy outside. Then I wash our dishes and ate dinner. My weekend is really jam packed with household chores and my only time to read is if I’ll go to bed. That Sunday night, I started reading the book. But what I only read was the cover, teaser, introduction, preface, and about the author. It was past 12am, already sleepy and there’s the thought of waking up early in the morning for my work. So I held my excitement. I closed the book, turned off the light, said my prayer and had a wonderful and restful sleep.

When I arrived at work, I told my officemate of my discovery of a wonderful book even if I haven’t yet read its chapters. And just like me, they also got curious, and told me they would want to borrow it after.

There are 8 chapters in that book, and on Monday night I finished reading the 5 chapters. I was able to finish the remaining 3 chapters before going to work on Wednesday. On Tuesday night, I prepared the things that I’ll bring to my trip to Cebu that Friday. I only read two chapters that night. The last chapter, I read after waking up on Wednesday and before going up on bed. But wait, I haven’t read the two appendixes, Appendix A and Appendix B. I had an idea to read the two appendixes on my way to work. Where? In my jeepney ride. I have 2 jeepney rides on my way to work. And yes! I finished reading the two appendixes before going to work.

It was funny when I was reading that Monday night. I couldn’t help but laugh with the situations that were illustrated by Bo Sanchez. I told myself, “This is so me! Haha!”

Okay…. I have many realizations. And here they are: First: I won’t fear to fall in love. I will forget past hurts, unfortunate experiences, rejection, basta, all the bad experiences that I had in the past. I will now risk in loving because it says in the book, “if there’s no risk, there’s no growth”. And to summarize everything, I will always have this thought in mind- We create our destiny. We should take responsibility of our own future. Not just in love, but in everything that comprises LIFE.

In my previous post, I wrote that I’m afraid to fall in love. But now, not anymore. I’ll enjoy everything that will happen in my life. Take my singleness as a blessing from God and as a chance to hone myself in every aspect. I’ll travel with my family, go out with friends, keep myself busy, learn new skills and languages (I want to learn Mandarin and the native language Bisaya), meet new friends, and harbor  wonderful experiences everyday.

And above all, I will give my 100% TRUST in God.

A day at Villa Escudero

In a few hours away from the Metro, is a place where you can relax, unwind and forget the worries and stress from the fast-paced and busy lives of the urban area. Located at San Pablo City is the Hacienda Escudero. It is a farm built, preserved and maintained by the Escudero family wayback 1950s. I was there because I joined our company outing.  And since I love to travel and to discover the places that I’ve never been, I was so willing and excited to join our summer outing. And just the thought of being able to breathe fresh air from the province, see coconut trees, river, jungle, hear the sound of rushing water from the falls (although theirs is only man made), I couldn’t get more excited. When we arrived, the program automatically turned to games prepared by the organizers. And a good way to start the outing was to play native Filipino games. We played Palo Sebo, Nag divisoria si Maria and Pukpok Palayok. I appreciated the way organizers prepared these kind of games despite the fact that lives in the Metro are being bombarded by the digital world.

The venue was so refreshing. It was nice to just walk, close the eyes and breathe some fresh air. It was as though, you are inhaling something that makes you feel good inside. It was a day full of laughter, excitement, fascination as well as hi’s and hello’s from acquaintances and colleagues.

After the games, we proceeded to the buffet lunch which is one of the attractions of the Villa Escudero. I think the one and only tourist destination where you eat with a sound of water nearby and one’s feet dipped in the water, another refreshing feeling.

Me and my 4 batchmates, whom I miss a lot, had get together. My two batchmates were my companion that time. We just enjoyed the place. We did a carabao ride, had a museum tour, strolled in the place, had a long, nice walk, and took a LOT of pictures. It was so much fun! My happiness radiated in my smile. My normal smile is just blank, but here, even my eyes said I was happy.

One employee of the villa said the place was more or less 40 hectares. I was fascinated with their museum. I kept wondering how the Escudero’s preserved every artifacts, even their love letters to each other, their old clothes, the different kinds of animals, the gold and bones found from digging, etc. The items in the museum I can say are considered treasures. And I’m sure, they are also considered as one by the Escuderos. Unfortunately, cameras are not allowed that’s why there are no pictures inside the museum in this post.

If you’re a nature lover and enjoys the ambiance of farm, you should put Villa Escudero to the list of your travel destinations.

I really miss blogging!

I wrote the italicized part of this post while at work. I have internet connection at work but  the web search is just limited to 3 sites. These sites are all work related. If I type google or wordpress or facebook, what will appear is a blocking rule, “not work-related site”. Yeah, it’s really corny. So whenever I feel like blogging, I’ll just open my microsoft word, and boom! Goes all my out-of-this-world ideas, thoughts, imagination, dreams, fantasy, etc! Grrrr!  My flash disk is now full of wordpress articles waiting to be published!

I really miss blogging!!! I haven’t entered the World Wide Web for the past 2 weeks. Last week, my brother asked me if he could borrow the laptop and broadband and bring them to his dorm. So since then, I have no internet access. But I still want to write. So during my free time at work, I pour down all the ideas and thoughts in mind. And everyday, I was able to create articles for my blog. So sad, I can’t post them after I had created them. But no worries, when I get the laptop back, I will post it to my blog right away. (May 31, 2011)

I now had my laptop back. Just today. Hmmm…. Having no internet connection for the past 3 weeks is really frustrating. I can’t read blogs. I can’t publish blogs. I am hooked in blogging. It’s my stress reliever, my past time. It keeps my mind  working. And to all the few visitors of this blog site, and if it happens you like my post, please send me a personal message. I would highly appreciate it. Thank you.

I just got back from Cebu last Sunday for vacation. Also went in Villa Escudero last May 21 for our company outing. I have lots of experiences from those trips. I’ll post a blog about them in a few days. So many things had happen to me in the past 3 weeks. I can’t wait to share them. 🙂

What’s behind the clean up?

I did a productive thing today, my household chores. Actually, I’m doing it every week but what sets it different from the previous weeks is that a while ago, I made an extra effort to clean more spots in our house. Timing I was the only one at home. Through that, I can move our stuffs where  I want to place them while cleaning. After cooking food for lunch and washing the dishes, I started my general cleaning. First,  I swept the floor, then arranged our things, brushed the sink and the comfort room, its tiles, then cleaned our huge mirror (it’s a parlor mirror). I brushed the tiles so hard.

I realized that I don’t exercise anymore for the past few months (except for brisk walking every morning to avoid late at work). I was asking my friends to come with me to jog but everything is still a plan. Cleaning is a good exercise. It’s a work out. My hands, forearms, legs, thighs, waist were all physically moving. And I was sweating. Whew! It’s a nice feeling.

There are thoughts which are bothering me for the past few weeks. And I came across an idea that for me to release all my frustrations, I should be preoccupied both physically and mentally. While doing the chores, my body was physically moving, my mind was concentrated on the task, but there were still times when the thought lingered on my mind. But no longer that often. I knew this idea of mine will work because I already did this technique. Something’s also bothering me years ago. I went to my bed to rest, the thought haunted me a lot more than often. I was just lazily lying when I noticed our house was messy. Then I went up on bed, got the broom, and started my “frustration-diverting-task”.  And my! For 4 hours, I forgot what’s bothering me! I didn’t even notice that I’m not thinking of my worries anymore.

Cleaning is a good diverting factor. Plus, you’ll be proud of seeing your house tidy and you were the one who cleaned it. 🙂

Welcome to the real world!!!

One fact about me is that I’m a worrier. Yes, i worry a lot.  Worry about what? About anything and everything under the sun. Most especially, about the future. I wonder what lies ahead in terms of my career. Where am I heading? I graduated with a degree in nursing. I am intended to be a nurse. When I was studying, I was honed to take care of the sick, to be empathetic, to provide a quality life to the terminally-ill patients, to provide dignity upon their death. That is what I’m trained to be.

But where I am now? In a place where everything is new. I arrived in a new world. I am in a new world. A world where I thought I would not survive even for a few months. Trying something in life that I don’t have an idea is one of the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced so far. Before I said yes to this endeavor, I thought of it for a long time. Will I be able to give the demands of the job? Will I be productive? Am I capable? Kaya ko ba? Reaching that decision created a different path in my career. I did not choose to take the frequently traveled road nor the road less traveled by. Instead, I created a new road. A road where my heart tells me to be. And here is where I am now.  Am I happy? Am I satisfied with everything that I’m doing? To be honest to everyone who’ll be able to read this, no I’m not. Something is missing. Something is lacking. I can’t really figure out this time what is it. But one thing is certain, I am confused. I’m not happy in where I am now but  I can’t give it up. Nor would  i want to go back in my previous profession.

There was one situation with my boss that I cannot forget until now. I felt like I was Basha in “One more chance”, in the scene when she was frequently scolded by her boss. After that encounter, I walked in the streets of Ayala Ave. with deep thoughts in  my head. My mind was so preoccupied as if I was wandering.

But that is part of my journey in this world.

This is what I called life. This is the real world.