Here are some of my journal entries last week. The title is kinda bit exaggerated. I remembered that term when I was in our province years ago, and was reading my high school book in English. The title of the story I was reading was, “Broken dreams and empty promises”. The title is so beautiful, really eye-catching and very meaningful. It was a story of an OFW and how he encountered trials abroad that ruined all his dreams and promises for his family. And also in the song of Brian Mcknight entitled, “One last Cry”. I was singing some lines of that song, specifically, “My shattered dreams and broken heart, are mending on the shelf”. Last monday, when I felt so much disappointment, it was like my world fell apart, my dreams, and plans in the future. But as I’ve said, I only felt that sadness last week, and I’ve already moved on from that experience. It’s really a learning experience of mine that I will never forget. I’m exaggerating with this title, so please, don’t think that I’m depressed or what, this is what I felt last week. And it shows the reality that I am only human. I feel disappointment and hurt. But I am fine now. =)
August 22, 2011. Really really sad. Expectations weren’t meant. I’m so disappointed. And I really am. I’m sorry but I can’t control myself. I’m just sad with the turnout of things. I was already hoping last friday. No, wrong term. I was already expecting. And the saddest part of all is, if didn’t happen. And that’s exactly what happened to me this day early. It was like shattered dreams. I’m about to cry. My tears are starting to fall. It’s almost 99% closed sale, but that 1% has won. So my ice breaker sale won’t happen this month. Why am I hurting so bad? Maybe because I’m starting to love this job. I am so affected and it meant so much to me. On the other hand, it’s a good news. Meaning,I’m willing to fight for this job. Willing to invest my time, effort and feelings. Yes it brought so much disappointment in me, but I know, with that lost of sale, a new sale will come. A bigger sale. So I shouldn’t give up. I should not lose hope because everyday is a given chance from God for us to act and pursue what we really want to accomplish. Carry on Berna. You’ll reach all your goals and dreams in life. I am jokingly telling myself that I’ll stay in the company for 5 years and avail of their early retirement program given when an employee reaches his/her 5th year in the company. If that’s the case, at age 26, I could already retire, get married and have my own family. Just a thought from my wide imagination. But Berna, what happened today shouldn’t stop you from being fighter, an optimistic and an achiever. In God’s perfect time, you’ll have your ice breaker sale, and your branch, your bosses and the company will be proud of you. Sana nga. Well, I’ve been giving myself sensible advice. Yes! I will move on. I can overcome this. I’ll be better in product presentation. I’ll close a big big sale! I’ll qualify for Rome and Venice! That’s the spirit! Go “Burning Berna”! (That’s what my boss calls me. Burning with passion.)
August 23, 2011. Upon waking up, I said, “Good morning Jesus!” and smiled sincerely. Eventhough what happened yesterday still hurts a little bit, I am hoping for a good day at work just to cover up my disappointments yesterday. Jesus, thank you for still giving me hope, for still giving me positive outlook in everything I do. I know you’ll guide me in this endeavor. Thank you and I love you Lord! -Berna.